"I relax my grip and I roll my wrists. Shake loose, I'm like new."

I do apologise that I haven't blogged in a few months. This year, this very long, strenuous year has been the hardest, challenging year I've had to deal with. I try to suppress emotion the best I can because I feel like it's the best way to deal with things. Either that or make it into a joke to lighten any situation I tend to talk about in detail. I have realised in these past few weeks, the importance to talk to loved ones about barricaded emotions that have been held back or silenced in a dark place for such a long time. Talking about mental health and things that may scare you are never something to be afraid of. I feel like guilt, pain and dark thoughts are something to hide away from but for once I'm more open to letting people listen. That may be why I feel such a weight off of my shoulders. 

I am in a strange place right now. A place I haven't been accustomed to in a very long time. I almost feel free which is something I never thought I'd have the pleasure to know. Right now, I'm happy, really happy. I have jobs that I love, friends that have been supportive and caring no matter how far away they may be, I have gained new friends from travelling and visiting new cities and gigs and festivals I've been too. I'm looking forward to the future instead of dreading the present. It's nice to wake up and not feel a force holding you down and draining the energy from deep inside. I can breathe.
I'm trying to be incredibly optimistic which seems a little impossible at times but I'm working on it. 

This post may seem more like a diary entry I guess, I just have a very strange way of thanking everyone who has hugged me when I'm low, welcomed me with open arms and sang Vengaboys with me at midnight in the cold. 

Happy new year.
I finally want to be around to enjoy it.